Finding My [New?] Voice

When people ask me about my hobbies and favorite things to do, I always still list "writing" among the other things. However, if I'm totally honest, I really haven't written anything worthwhile in about four years. I've jotted vignettes, snippets, and scenarios as they have come to me, but I have not planned, drafted, and written anything seriously for a very long time.

After discussing this intently with a dear friend of mine who is a professional artist, she asked me to read a blog post by another writer who is not currently writing. This lady said that she had always written to fulfill a need - to while away loneliness, to express inner turmoil and emotion, or to communicate something that she couldn't say out loud. However, at the time she was writing this blog post, those needs weren't there for her anymore. Therefore, she did not have a need to write fiction at that time.

I have felt bad about abandoning my music studies and writing, but this woman's words rang very true with me as well. I have always written for similar reasons as hers, most importantly to fill up the emotional void left by having few friends and commitments in the early part of my life; but as my world has expanded to include real people, real drama, real commitments, and real emotions, I have felt less of a need to create those things in my imaginary world.

So I ask myself ... does that mean I shouldn't write anymore?

My answer is, I don't think that's what it means at all.

I believe that God gives each of us special gifts and talents, and that He wants us to use these to bless other people. For whatever reason, He chose to give me a passion for language - telling stories, describing beautiful things, giving a voice to the emotions and experiences that come with being human. And if this love of language really is a gift from Him, as I believe it is, then my responsibility to use it for His kingdom does not change according to whether I "feel" like writing or not.

Certainly, I write every day for classes and work; I write encouraging text messages and Facebook comments to people; and I use my language skills to clarify, explain, and bring peace as much as I can. All of these things are great, and definitely count as using my gifts for God's glory and to bless other believers. But I want to do more. Someday, I still want to write a book that will encourage and inspire believers and provide a space for the Holy Spirit to lovingly convict unbelievers. And if I'm going to do that, I need to keep practicing writing fiction.

I think the point is that, rather than my fiction writing becoming obsolete, it just needs to change and be updated to better reflect the things God has taught me in the last few years. Maybe the reason I haven't finished any of my old projects is because the old romances and adventure stories just aren't the right fit for me right now. Maybe I need to branch out and write about different kinds of protagonists, and put them in different kinds of settings. Maybe I need to say things that are smaller ... or maybe things that are bigger. Maybe it's time to move beyond simple boy-meets-girl stories and talk about things like war, and refugees, and the unity of the Church, and the importance of listening to each other.

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Whatever the changes are that need to be made, I want to explore and tinker over the break and figure out what it is I'm supposed to be saying today, and how I'm supposed to be saying it. I have absolutely no idea what that even means at this point, but I do know that I don't want to give up creating my own stories. I don't want to just tell other people's stories my whole life; I want to put a bit of myself out there, too, and hope that that little bit of myself will resonate with a little bit of another self, who might be learning the same things I am.

I don't want to end the book ... I just want to move on to a new chapter.

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