More Myself

I would give anything to be able to turn from a Prince Hal into a King Henry ... to have a moment where I say, "yes, now I leave it all behind. I shed the drunkenness (Internet overdosing), the bad companions (people I hang out with who aren't getting me where I want to go), and the ratty old clothes, and hereafter I shall be more myself."   I can. It's not impossible. Going to bed and getting up and getting to WORK in the morning would be a great start.  :-) ~ Vicki

What makes me special?

Oh my, it's been a long time since I've blogged, hasn't it!? Life has been crazy with final exams, projects, presentations, reports, applications ... you know, all that fun college-y stuff. I won't bore you with the details.  :-)

In the shuffle, however, I've been trying to grasp at fragments of the lessons that the Lord tries to stuff into my pathetic head before I collapse to sleep each night ... they have been profound and terribly important, and I've only gotten my fingertips around a couple of them before they've slipped right back out again - those important ones being to root out bitterness, to shake off the dust of the world that is starting to cling to me rather thickly, and to turn my focus back onto the Lord and His children, and not onto myself.

In support of the last one, I came across a video tonight that I had seen a long time ago and really been blessed by, but had filed away and forgotten ... it's a short 7-minute lesson that I think we all need to hear:



What makes me special? That's an entirely different take on the question than "Why am I so weird?". I tend to struggle badly with self-pity because I frequently feel off-balance and awkward in conversation, like an outsider who doesn't quite fit in (read: Belle); and this leads me to feel sorry for myself and wonder what's wrong with me and if I'm just odd. Throw in my singleness and the feeling is multiplied.

But that's not how I should be viewing myself. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and being made perfect by the sanctification of the Holy Spirit. He has given me gifts that uniquely fill needs that no one else can address, and viewing my differences in this way will give me a much more positive outlook on life - one that not only will allow me to be more useful and happy in life, but that will also allow me to value and cherish the differences in others as well.

And since it's 2AM here, I'd better head for bed!! Have a wonderful day, dear friends - I love you all very much!!

~ Vicki

So Much Bigger

Every so often, I am overwhelmed by a tidal wave of realization that life is so much bigger than the tiny two feet of ground than I am occupying right this moment.

Anything can trigger this - I was watching a BBC Sherlock music video this evening, and when Sherlock grabbed Moriarty by his coat collar, suddenly I was drowned by the force of their emotions sweeping over me: desperation, triumph, horror, anger, determination, sadness, fear. And I realized just how huge the world is - I don't know if that makes sense, but I realized that in each person, there is a vast depth of thoughts, experiences, feelings, wishes, dreams, and passions that can never be fully explored by the persons themselves, let alone by those who know them. The world is full of billions of these dark, turbulent ocean-trench hearts. So many are completely unlit and unexplored, perhaps full of beauty, and certainly full of pain and sadness. And each of these hearts is just a little speck in the huge expanse of the earth, with all of its mountains and valleys and rivers and forests and deserts - each as deep as the human heart.

And in turn, just a moment after being struck with the magnitude of all these depths, I looked up and saw the indescribable infinity of God - and I was awed and overwhelmed. God in His majesty and glory is vast. He is unable to be comprehended or known by the human heart. Think of all the yawning expanses of the universe and multiply them by a billion, and you have the tiniest fraction of the size of God.

Life is BIG. God is big.

And now - the most incredible mystery of all: This great vastness of God, the mighty power and glory that overshadows the universe and outshines every sun, the righteousness that is blinding in its whiteness and purity, the love that is too incredible for the human heart to comprehend - all of His majesty and glory is contained in the person of Jesus Christ.

Colossians 2:9 - "For in Him [Jesus Christ] dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily ..."

Christ hid this glory for us, so that we could be near Him and know Him without being driven away by awe and fear, like the Israelites who were terrified of the holy mountain. But it was in no way diminished by His humble human appearance. He still had the power to calm a massive, raging sea, and to control huge storms with just a few words.

This is something I know in my head. But do I know it with my heart? I want to - I want to be completely drowned in the vastness of God, so that I can better understand and appreciate His love, which is both bigger than the universe and small enough for me to understand. I want to value Him more than all of the petty little things that have captivated my heart.

Lord, please don't let me get so small-minded that I can't look up and see the depth of the hearts around me, the hugeness of the world You have created, and the breathtakingly vast expanses of Your power, righteousness, and love!