Hot

It is 79 degrees and climbing steadily in my office this morning ... I hope they get the thermostat fixed before all the food I have stashed in my drawers starts melting!!  :-O

How's the weather (inside or out!) in your part of the world this morning?

~ Vicki

Prayer

Rain by hyamei on DeviantArt

***

Do not cast me off in the time of old age;

Do not forsake me when my strength fails.

~ Psalm 71:9

***

Father, in my emptiness, 

remind me that You are the God Who can fill me up.

For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, 
And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.
~ Psalm 107:9

***

Father, in my weakness,
remind me that You are the God Who is mighty with power and strength.

“The eternal God is a dwelling place, 
And underneath are the everlasting arms; 
And He drove out the enemy from before you, 
And said, ‘Destroy!’"
~ Deuteronomy 33:27

***

Father, in my exhaustion,
remind me that You are the God Who is always awake when I am,
and Who watches over the few precious hours that I get to sleep.

My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. 
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. 
Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
~ Psalm 121:2-4

***

Father, in my confusion,
remind me that You are the Prince and Author of peace.

... for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.
~ 1 Corinthians 14:33

***

Father, in my fear,
remind me that You hold my future in Your hand
and are working all things together for my good.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, 
to those who are called according to His purpose.
~ Romans 8:28

***

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: 
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
~ Psalm 61:2

Weekend

I had such a simply wonderful weekend! I got to take some time away from classes and remember other things that I love to do and be, like photographing the pretty weeds and lichens in the backyard, reading about my Scottish ancestors, watching lame movies, and listening to incredible a cappella music:




A dear friend and my grandmother encouraged me this weekend to remember to lean more heavily on the Lord during this difficult time of adjustment and soul-searching. My grandmother gave me a beautiful prayer journal that she wants me to doodle in (not write; I don't have many words left by the end of the day - just doodle) every night during my devotion time, and I'm eager to see if it helps me remember and hold onto what I read a little better. It didn't work last night because I waited to start my devotions until very late, and was busy trying not to fall asleep and topple headfirst off the bed; but it's early yet tonight, so we'll see if I can focus a bit better.  :-)

Oh yes, and I spent a lot of time researching patterns and history for my very first upcoming French and Indian War reenactment puttering with some other hobbies too.

*grin*

I didn't work as far ahead on my homework as I ought to, and I didn't do any professional networking or career-enhancing activities besides going into the office to do a little data analysis; but I badly needed this weekend of rest. I feel refreshed and ready to dive back into my studies and work tomorrow with renewed vigor.

How was your weekend? Did you get some much-needed refreshment?

Hugs and love and toffee nut lattes to you,
~ Vicki

Grad Student Life

Things grad students do:

• Read
• Drink coffee
• Enjoy using big words
• Learn fascinating concepts that make their heads explode
• Dress up
• Wish they weren't dressed up
• Meet amazingly brilliant people
• Read
• Drink coffee
• Try not to cry in their faculty advisors' offices
• Run tests on their fellow students
• Give presentations
• Feel like bigshots around undergraduates
• Read
• Drink coffee
• Drink caffeinated soda
• Write papers
• Draw diagrams
• Feel like they are diving into a gigantic ocean of mysteries and discoveries
• Volunteer for events
• Read
• Drink coffee
• Try to stay awake in lecture
• Fall asleep in lecture
• Write papers
• Read
• Realize the massive and incredible awesomeness of God through study of His world
• Eat lots of cookies and pizza
• Get slap-happy over cookies and pizza at 8PM
• Drink coffee
• Write papers
• Read

Things grad students DON'T do:

• Sleep
• Go home before dinnertime
• Go on trips
• Complete their readings
• Leave their major building
• Sleep
• Wear sweatpants as often as they'd like
• See their families
• Sleep
• See their friends
• Sleep
• Or sleep
• Or SLEEP
• DID I MENTION THAT WE DON'T SLEEP

Why grad students do the things they do and don't do:

• Because they love what they're studying and want to devote the rest of their life to it

OR

• Because they realize one month into their studies that it's too late to back out now and they're going to be doing this for the next (insert some number between 2 and 12) years of their life whether they like it or not

BUT

• They know that someday it will all be worth it!!

Second Week: Words of Encouragement

It is 6PM and I am sitting on the floor in my pajamas, drinking coffee, listening to atmospheric music, and looking through a friend's vacation photo album.

(I'm doing this because our dog is lonely and he won't stop barking until someone sits next to him on the floor. So I volunteered.)

Also, I've survived my second week of grad school.

At the beginning of this week, I wasn't doing very well. Most of my classes this semester are heavily focused on the electrophysiological aspects of the hearing and nervous systems, which is essentially engineering, and everybody knows that Vicki doesn't do engineering. So Vicki has had many doubts. Vicki has cried. Vicki has locked herself in her office and hidden. Vicki has locked herself in the bathroom and hidden. And cried.

It's been a bit rough.

However, this week, I have also been reminded of the power and strength found in the love and encouragement of other people. You see, I tend to be very emotionally independent (read: proud) and avoid discussing my fears and worries with other people. I try to seem strong and put-together - I hate showing weakness and I hate people knowing what's going on inside my head. This week, though, I admitted to some of my close friends that I was doubting myself and fearful of the future; and the uplifting words they sent my way gave me such a huge boost.

It's amazing how much encouragement you can get from simple words like:

You can do it.
I have a lot of faith in you.
You will be the kindest, most beautiful Ph.D. around!
Don't put so much pressure on yourself - you're doing fine.
I trust you.
You're not crazy.
You were born for this. 

And most importantly:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Regarding my lovely humans' encouragement, I really don't think anyone who encouraged me this week knew that their quickly jotted posts and casual comments were so helpful and important for me. It actually reminded me that my words can have the same effect on others - it only takes me a second to shoot off a text saying "Hey, just wanted to you to know you're awesome"; but it might be just the little boost someone needs today.

How have your family and friends encouraged you this week?

~ Vicki

Freshening Up

Well, after careful consideration and mulling, I have decided to abandon my plan to move to a new blog and to stay here at Sunshine and Shadow, at least for a while. Hence the pretty facelift.  :-)

I had a couple of reasons for deciding to keep things the way they are for now. Firstly, as I pondered moving to a more public blog, I realized that blogging under a pseudonym gives me a measure of privacy and freedom that blogging under my real name would not. I can come to my blog as Vicki and talk about my struggles and successes honestly, because I'm not afraid of my writing accidentally being sent to my boss or my major professor or anything like that. While I would dearly love to be the "real me" and show you pictures of my home and my town and my school, at the moment I would much rather have the freedom to be genuinely open about my life.

Secondly, as I worked on setting up my new blog, I got really sad at the thought of cutting loose from all the history and memories I have built here at S&S. I love bloggers that stay in one place for years and let their blog grow with them, rather than having separate blogs for separate life stages - I love being able to go back through their archives and see when they were young girls, when they were launching their careers, when they got married, when they had children, and so on, all the way up through their current life stage. It's an awesome testimony of God's faithfulness and provides a much more cohesive story. I want S&S to continue to grow with me, not to leave it behind.

So ... what does this mean for my content?

Well, I still want to try to move away from using this blog as an emotional dumping-ground, and give it some structure. For example, I do want to blog about life as a grad student, just as I planned; I'll just do it here instead of there. And I want to continue showing lots of pictures - I'm in love with my new camera, and though I can't show you big pieces of my world, I can show you the little details that I see every day. The tree branch that I brush with my hand every afternoon, the sun reflecting off the science building windows in the morning, the blanket I snuggle under while I work in the evenings. Pretty things that I love to share. I'll make sure there are a lot of them!  :-)

So what do you think? Did I make the right decision?

~ Vicki