It can be easy to "settle" mentally for the thought of marrying someone less than what I really want in a future husband.
What I mean is, when I see my friends all around me getting engaged and married and wonder when (or, more often, if) my time will come, I start mentally reviewing the things I am looking for in my future husband and wonder if I could maybe fudge on those a little bit.
Sure, I want him to be a man, not a boy ... but maybe I could deal with it if he were at least on the way to becoming a man.
Sure, I want him to be as in love with the Lord as I am ... but maybe it would be okay as long as he was pretty close.
Sure, I want him to be at least as educated/intelligent as me and enjoy discussing and working with abstract topics ... but maybe a concrete thinker wouldn't be too bad, or maybe I could get used to him.
Normally, I'm very strong in my independence and my commitment to waiting for just the kind of man I want (maybe too strong? more thoughts on that another time). But when I meet a good-looking guy in class, or listen to a friend talk about what fun she has with her boyfriend, or scroll quietly through someone else's engagement pictures, then the doubts start to creep in.
What if I'm too picky? What if I'm unrealistic? What if my man only exists in an Austen novel or a Disney movie?
Then it seems like I would be better off to "settle." Yeah, he's immature, but at least he's a Christian ... yeah, he's a little less churched than I would like, but at least he gets along well with his parents ... yeah, we share virtually no interests, but at least he would be able to financially support me ...
No.
I say no. I don't want to settle for someone who will not lead me higher and closer to the Lord. I don't want to settle for someone who will not challenge me, help me grow, and have ways in which I can do the same for him.
I know the kind of man I'm looking for is hard to find, but he does exist, and I'm not going to get impatient and let my desperation push me into a mediocre, "meh" relationship.
I want a marriage that is spectacular, not average. I want to marry a man whom I respect, admire, look up to, and am excited about being with. I want my children to have an awesome father.
Does he have to be perfect or superhuman? Absolutely not - if he were, he wouldn't be interested in someone like me! Each of us has flaws, and I will do my best to help my future husband get stronger in his faith and relationship with Christ, just as I know he'll do for me. But what I mean is, if I settle for a man whom I don't look up to, whom I don't understand or respect, just because I'm tired of being alone ... I will be doing a huge disservice to him and to myself.
I'm holding out for a hero.
I'm holding out for a man who is radically in love with the Lord and isn't afraid to let people know it. I'm holding out for a man who has not compromised with this sinful culture, even though he seems old-fashioned. I'm holding out for a man who is a man, not a boy, not a "guy," not a man-child who lives only to please himself - a man who gives his time and energy to help others, a man who protects the vulnerable, a man who is willing to stand up for himself and for his family. That's what makes a hero in my book.
There aren't very many heroes today - truly, there haven't been many in any age. But a man doesn't have to be big and outgoing and world-shaking to be a hero, either. It's heroic to give up a Sunday afternoon to watch your sister's kids for a few hours. It's heroic to tell the classmates or coworkers you care about that you still believe abortion and homosexuality are sins. It's heroic to dare to ask a girl's father if it's okay to take her out.
That's what I'm looking for. That's my hero.
He might not be Captain America - he might be small, geeky, soft-spoken, and shy. That's fine by me. He's my hero ... and I will wait and save my heart for him.
