No More Worthy

"Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."

~ Deuteronomy 5:16

***

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was just like the heroine of a Christian teen fiction book - confident, intelligent, arrogant, and above all, ready for a change.

She had just graduated from high school, and summer stretched out before her like a huge pool of sunshine to swim in. She had lots of memories of goodbyes and never-see-them-agains to revel in, and plenty of projects to keep her hands and mind busy. She was thrilled to enjoy her summer.

The only problem was that she didn't know where she was going to college that fall.

This girl wasn't worried, though - every romantic knows that great people receive their callings out of the blue, in a flash of inspiration; and she hadn't received her calling yet. She wasn't sure what God wanted her to do with her life. So until her calling came, she was going to take it easy and just wait for Him to reveal her life's mission, instead of rush off and commit to something.

Fortunately, her parents were very responsible, as parents usually are. Because their daughter was a little ditzy and unrealistic, they were kind enough to do the college research that she was supposed to be doing. They talked, they read, they compared, and they prayed. Finally, they settled on a Christian college that was small and well-protected; its doctrine and standards lined up with what they wanted for their daughter; and several other young people from their church were there, so she wouldn't be alone. It seemed a perfect fit, and they felt that the Lord would bless their choice.

So they sat down with her and gave her the news: They believed that she should be a nurse, a healer; and that she should earn her degree at this college.

The Lord was speaking to this girl through her parents - her calling had finally come at last! The girl immediately began to get her paperwork together, already starting to form her checklist of things to do in the fall. She had her mission - it was time to embark on her life's journey!

Um ...

Yeah.

That is how my story should have gone. The girl in my post is me. And sadly, when the Lord laid it on my parents' hearts that I should go away and study nursing at this little Christian college, I refused to listen to them, and I did not go.

You see, I was afraid. It didn't seem like refusal at the time - it seemed like I pleaded my case with my parents until they finally understood and let me stay where I was happy. But in reality, I said "no, I can't" enough times that they finally gave up and turned me over to the Lord. I didn't know that happened in real life, but it does. And it happened to me.

I've only recently realized the seriousness of my rebellion and how badly I have changed my own life for the worse. If I had gone, I would have graduated last year and be working now as a nurse, probably in a Christian environment, maybe even on the mission field like I always wanted to do. I might be married - I certainly would have found a core group of Christian friends to support me and pray for me, which I don't have now (except for my blog friends). It would have challenged, shaped, and grown my faith so that now I would be a strong, independent young woman ... instead of a timid overgrown girl still living at home.

That is how I find myself still working on a bachelor's degree at 23 years old - a situation that embarrasses and irks me deeply. I hate being "behind" where I'm supposed to be, especially because it's my own fault.

The Lord has spent the last five years chastising me to open my eyes to my sin. Now that I can finally see what I've done, I have prayed for forgiveness, and I think the Lord's chastening is coming to an end - friendships and opportunities are starting to open up for me, and I have felt Him teaching and leading me again.

But I'm trying to take my life and figure out where to go from here - that will be another post in itself, once I figure it out. I feel like I have completely messed up my life and missed out on what the Lord had for me to do. I don't know how to get "back on track," or if it's even possible - I know I can't go back to where I was and try the same opportunity again; I have to build my life from this point, and I don't know how.

That's why I felt it was so important to share this, both as a confession and as a warning: Listen to your parents. Even if you're eighteen; even if you're twenty-one; even if you live halfway across the country - if you know in your heart that you're still under your parents' authority, listen to them. And listen to the Lord when He speaks to you, whether directly or through your parents or husband; because disobeying His instructions will cause you serious regret and misery. Even when you're afraid, listen and obey Him, because He will give you the strength to do His will, no matter what it is.

My parents have begun giving me career advice again, as they've seen me repent and change my heart; and they are very ambitious and have even bigger dreams than I do. Some of their advice frightens me. But this time, I'm not going to let fear keep me from doing what they think I should do. I've learned my lesson, and I'm sharing my story in hopes that you won't have to learn by completely derailing your life, like I did.

***

I know this is kind of different from the happy-go-lucky posts I usually write; but I've wanted to share this for a long time. I'm sorry it was so long ... I hope it will bless you and encourage you to always, always follow the Lord's will, no matter what that will may be. I know that's what I'm going to do from now on!!

Love in Christ,
Vicki