hope returns

I turned the corner into the garden, expecting everything to still be dead ...

... but instead, this cheery little beauty lifted its head next to my foot and said hello.

Every winter feels so long, so cold, so interminable - it can feel like it's never going to end.

But it always does. Spring always comes.

And I am finally on spring break! Doesn't break always come just when you really need it? Projects, papers, labs, and exams have taxed me and my classmates to our limits these last few weeks - we are learning a lot about the limits of each other's physical and emotional strength. I personally have been learning about new ways to put others first in small ways, like leaving them alone to study when I'd rather rest and talk, or being serious when I'd rather joke; but I've also been learning that my "amazing" intuition about people can sometimes be wrong, and that sometimes I really do need to use words and ask what people are thinking.

I want to use the break to recover from weeks of sleep deprivation and get back to feeling human again (which I define as being able to get through a day without crying). I want to make cookies, crochet, take photography walks, and plant some seedlings. I want to read books, but especially be able to read my Bible at night without falling asleep on top of the second or third verse.

And I want to live for a week in the fullest depths of my INFP Anne-of-Green-Gables personality - I have spent many weeks shrinking myself, being quiet, staying out of the way, hearing my academic performance picked apart, and enduring friends' daily well-meaning criticism of my poor health and study habits; and while sometimes that's necessary, not only does it cause me a lot of stress and sadness, but it also means I'm not serving as effectively. When I was operating from a place of being comfortable with my personality and strengths and how God was using me in people's lives, I was maximally effective - reaching out, caring for people, using words to make bridges. I want to get back to that place again.

***

Do you get any kind of a break this spring? Are you making plans for Easter? Have you seen any little signs of hope, rebirth, or reviving joy?

~ Vicki