Today

It's the third day of classes. I'm currently sitting in a conference room with three of my labmates. None of us are talking. We're just enjoying the peace and quiet and comfortable being-together-without-having-to-talk while we wait to start a meeting.

It's the third day of my future, and things are going great.

I've been anxious, yes. Old fears popped up as soon as I sat down in my first class, yes - fear of loss, primarily. I want to write about that, so I won't go into it too deeply. Fear of failure. Fear of mediocrity. Fear of tomorrow.

But I've learned things too.

I love my eight classmates. We all get along great and we all genuinely like each other. I love my four professors - they're smart, funny, patient, kind, and understanding, all four of them. My friends from my old job are staying in touch, so I'm not losing them; and my new friends are always just a screen or a seat away if I need help.

Tomorrow I go into the clinic as a student clinician (not an observer) for the first time. I'm going to greet the family and take the patient's medical history. I haven't done this in forever and I'm very excited about it. (I hope the professional clothes I ordered arrive in the mail soon, because since quitting my administrator job I seem to have forgotten how to fit my little wardrobe together in a work-appropriate way. The new inspiration should help.)

Tomorrow I also will be attending a dinner for all of the other fellowship winners across campus, and I'm very excited about that. I know I won't feel like I fit in with all the brilliant chemists and astrophysicists and social changers and educators who will be there, but I'm very eager to socialize with some truly outstanding people, and I hope some of it rubs off on me.

And today?

Today, I'm sipping tea, in the soft grayish light of our almost-silent conference room. I'm listening to the student pilots zooming overhead in their little planes, and dreaming of the day when I'll be up there (I have no idea when that will be).

Today, my manager walked in, and it's time to start the meeting.

Today, I'm surviving, I'm learning, I'm growing.

Today is the future.