Still a Worthy Dream

Today was an interesting day.

After working hard at my office this morning, I came home to watch Dan and Nick in the afternoon. I helped them play Twister and Frisbee tag outside, wash their hair, set up blanket forts in the family room, pop popcorn, and put their pajamas on; then I made dinner in a hurry because it needed to be early today; and in the middle of all that, I baked brownies, kept the boys from disagreeing over blanket fort boundaries, tried to babysit the TV, and tried to keep loads of laundry going in the washer and loads of dirty dishes going in the dishwasher.

Whew.

Most of you, especially you married women and moms, probably read that with a blank expression and said, "Yeah? So? When do we get to the interesting part?"

The interesting part was when I finally collapsed onto a stool to rest my aching feet and realized that this is what my mom has been doing every single day. And so much more. For almost thirty years. Without complaining.

And it got more interesting; because the words that escaped my heart after a sigh of admiration and awe were, "This whole homemaking thing is just awful! Maybe I don't mind not being married after all!"

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This worried me. I was genuinely worried that maybe I'm not cut out to be a wife and mother at all - maybe I'm still too selfish and immature. Even worse, I worried that I might get married anyway, and turn out to be a lousy housekeeper and a shrewish, selfish mother. (Yes, I've worried this before.) Maybe it would be better for me just to accept my fate as a single career woman, so I could live by myself in an apartment and not have to do all that homemaking stuff.

And then the Lord sent this article to me:

Your Wedding Is Still Something Worth Wanting

I can't tell you how encouraging this was. Because very often lately, my thoughts about marriage have been running just like the author describes in the first paragraph of the post:

"Maybe marriage isn't all that great after all.

"When divorce rates are high and the surviving marriages around us seem broken, messy, and unhappy — and there are plenty of other good things to keep us busy — lots of young men and women in their twenties and thirties have basically given up on marriage. With all the pain, failure, and friction, it simply can't be worth it, can it? Surely I can find other ways to enjoy love, companionship, and even the feeling of a family. That’s what Facebook is right? There are other ways for me to be known and loved, and marriage really isn't necessary for my happiness or significance here on earth."

You know those "YESSS!!!" moments when you find something that perfectly expresses your own thoughts or feelings about something? This was it. I've been really struggling to understand what is so great about marriage anyway; and then today's dawning realization that marriage also means letting yourself in for 40+ years of constant housework and babysitting mothering duties just compounded it.

But this article went on to really challenge my narrow, self-centered thinking. I'm not going to summarize it here because I badly want you to read it yourself (yes, even you married ladies, because I think it will still be very encouraging!); but the author's main point is to remind us that the ultimate goal of marriage is not to give us happiness, or even self-worth or identity. The ultimate goals of marriage are a) to bring glory to God through its modeling of His permanent, sacrificial love; b) to make two complementary believers into a powerful unit to reach out to a wider circle of people (read: Aquila and Priscilla); and c) to have children and raise up men and women to serve God and reach an even wider circle of people.

Ironically, placing the concept of marriage into this sanctified and spiritual realm actually lifted some of my burdens. If marriage is about "happiness" - romance and kisses and snuggles and all that stuff - then I'm in a bad way; because eventually (okay, sooner rather than later) my own strength to make someone happy is going to run out. But if this is a missional thing, a circumstance to bring us closer to God and to bring others closer to God, well then, that's much different; because that means that it's something God will specially empower me to do. He'll get me through the mountains of dirty laundry and the saltine crumbs in the carpet and the husband coming home and asking first thing when dinner will be ready (I rather shocked myself with the violence of my reaction to my poor brother who did that to me last week).

This post also reminded me that, despite the temptation to view it as one means among many for fulfilling my social needs, marriage is the only human relationship that was intentionally created and ordained by God. It is admittedly hard for me to understand, because I've never been initiated into the mystery of being in love; but I need to accept it on faith that even in our who-cares society, marriage is still sanctified and very special - and worth all of the hard work that goes into it.

That's the thing - right now, from the outside, all I see is the work and messiness of trying to mesh my self-centered life with some man's self-centered life; but if the Lord grants me to see the inside one day, I know that, because it is a relationship specially designed by God and mirroring His love for His people, it is going to be all right.

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This post definitely provided me with some things to think about, and a timely call to bring my thinking back in line and value the things God values. I would highly encourage you to read it - and please drop me a comment with your thoughts/reactions!

Have a wonderful evening, my sisters!

Hugs,
Vicki