Not For Me

No, Lord. Not for me.

I am not worthy of the death You died for me.

My selfish and wicked heart is not worthy of the blood that flowed from Your head, Your feet, Your side, Your hands - the hands that tenderly formed the earth, set the moon in motion and hung the stars from the sky.

My rebellious and corrupt mind is not worthy of the anguish that tore Your body as they threw Your mangled flesh against the splintered wood of the cross that I should have borne.

My proud and arrogant spirit is not worthy of the torture that You suffered as the crushing weight of sin pulled Your body down against the nails, dragging Your purity and righteousness into the filth and grime and horror of my wickedness.

I turn away from You on the cross and hide my face in shame, shame at the thing that should not be done: the King of the universe being humiliated by His creations; the Son of God being spat on and ridiculed; the Lion of Judah being slaughtered like a lamb. God, very God Himself, hanging helpless and bleeding on a criminal's cross.

And I cry out: No, Lord! Not for me! I'm not worth it! Don't do this thing for a wicked sinner like me!

And yet ...


He did. It is finished.

Why would He do such a thing? How could He love me so much - not only knowing the things I would do before He saved me, but in His foreknowledge, looking ahead to the things I continue to do after I know Him?

I get up every morning deeply conscious of His great love and my great unworthiness, determined to serve Him better; and I end every day in a tired, discouraged heap of sharp words, shirked jobs, unguarded eyes and selfish actions. I pray every morning that I would show others the sweetness and wonder of His salvation; and I end every day bitterly remembering the willful things I did and the worldly things I said.

I am not worthy.

That is the great mystery of my salvation. That I am not worthy - but that He is. He is so utterly good, so utterly merciful, so full of perfect love, that His love transcends my complete unworthiness. His love is even greater than the fact that it is utterly shameful for the King of the heavens and earth to have given His life in place of a vile, rebellious sinner like me. He went to the cross, despising the shame, and out of His shame rose the greatest glory that He could possibly have won - He is the ultimately Good One, the One Who is full of a greater mercy than any human could ever comprehend. He is Love - pure, shining, powerful Love Who was willing to endure the darkest hour in history to win life for me.

I cannot understand. I can only thank Him - cast myself at His feet in complete awe, love, and worship. The Worthy One has redeemed this unworthy one; and she will give Him all of her meager life in exchange.

I am not worthy of His love. But He is worthy of mine. He is worthy of my everything; and I give it with all my heart.